Sunday, 16 November 2008

Impending marriage and other fun things...

I'm getting married in a few months.


Even looking at that, black and white, typed on the page is a little bit unreal. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about being married to my future hubby. It's not the being married to him that is strange and unreal to me. It's the fact that I'm 'here' already. I've looked forward to it for so long that it hardly seems that it can be true that it's so close now.

It's going to be a huge change for me, mentally. Although I already feel a part of my in-laws family, this is the sealing of the deal. The changing of my last name will be a good symbolic step I think. The leaving behind of past hurts and moving forward with a new identity (almost) into my future. It's a necessary and much welcomed step but there's still that tiny tug of apprehension that you always feel when you place your heart, trust and destiny in the hands of another. Having grown up in a situation where I couldn't trust those around me with the above mentioned things, I find it really difficult to let go and trust someone else completely.

I want to. I just need to let myself do it.

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