Saturday, 7 April 2007

There goes my moment...

It's my last night in Adelaide. My other half flew out to Sydney, transferring to Taipei this morning at 6.30 and I feel like someone has ripped my heart out.

You'd think, after 12 months of living in different countries that I would be pretty good with this whole goodbye thing. In actual fact I wonder if it's just getting harder. I've spent most of today in a bit of a mist, just waiting for tomorrow to come so I can go home and get back to the distraction of day to day reality. But time is finally dragging it's feet. Right when I really don't want it to.

You see, wherever he is feels like home. For a while, FTA felt like home. The overly soft single bed, the sparse bedroom, the dusty dry air. But now that he's gone, it feels like nothing. All of the spirit has been sucked out of it and all I'm left with is the absence, the feeling of loss. He's gone, he's not coming back and I have no idea when I am going to see him again. I know it could be a lot worse and I have little to complain about compared to some people but right now it feels awful. He's my home, my safe place and my light. Anywhere where he isn't just can't really compare to where he is. It's times like these when you realise the true meaning of "I can't live without him".

I know that once I get back to Auckland and life kicks back in that I'll feel better. But right now, sat at an empty desk under the unfriendly glare of the standard issue neon study lamp, perspective on things is a little hard to maintain. All I want is my moment back.

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